Journey to acceptance. Am I even on the right road?

It has been over two years since our son was diagnosed and it has changed our world! I have gone through so many emotions and its an journey I didn't expect.

My first reaction to his diagnosis was to learn everything I could because in doing so, I thought I could fix him. I read everything I could on autism through books and on the internet for hours at night. I was trying to find my son in those books. If I could find him then I would have the instructions on how to fix things so he wouldn't struggle. I never found him...and I was exhausted trying.
Then I began to reason with autism. I enrolled him in all the therapies I could that I thought would help and fought for more that the state wasn't allowing him to have. I met at least every month with all the therapists and played a big role in creating his goals. I thought I won and expected my reward - that he would be caught up to his peers by the time he went to school. As he began his third year in his ABA program, I realized that may not happen. I thought I was playing by the rules when all along there were no rules.
I burned out quickly. And for six months I didn't meet with therapists, I didn't read about autism, and I didn't even speak about it. Every time my family or in-laws asked about his progress, I became irritable and didn't want to discuss it. I stopped doing anything that had to do with therapy with my son at home. I just wanted to be his mom but even that was getting difficult. I was depressed.
Throughout this whole time I was conscious of my stages of grief and I labeled them accordingly as I remembered them from my college psychology class. Intellectually I knew I had to go through the stages and I wanted to control my time in each because I looked forward to just accepting this. But my heart held me back and dragged me through the mud of misery. My heart could only go at its own slow pace.
It is going on three years of this and most days I am fine with juggling the therapies, a job, motherhood, and being a wife. I do the best I can and I am learning to accept that because during all this time I am trying to cope, my beautiful son is growing, maturing, and doing amazing things ... and I don't want to miss any of it.
He has taught me much more than I've learned from books and the internet on Autism. He is teaching me to slow down and enjoy today. Autism takes us down a path that we don't know the destination of and we are frightened. I'm on a trip I don't know how to pack for, I don't know what the destination will be, and I don't know the directions. How can one who likes to be prepared plan for that?